


5 years

by FifthDancer



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Blight Family Grade A Parenting, Breaking Up & Making Up, Cancer, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Lesbian Character, Childhood Friends, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, First Dates, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Goodbyes, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Ice Cream Parlors, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lesbian Relationship, Little Miss Perfect, M/M, Making Up, Multi, Romance, Sleepy Cuddles, Slice of Life, Still missing something, maybe smut, too many tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-21 01:06:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30013740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FifthDancer/pseuds/FifthDancer
Summary: Amity Blight and Luz Noceda had 5 years. Now, it's time to say goodbye.The best way?Do it all over again, of course, and cling to every second they have.
Relationships: Amity Blight & Willow Park, Amity Blight/Luz Noceda, Luz Noceda & Willow Park, Luz Noceda/Willow Park (Past)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 35





	1. Prologue: Dream with Me.

Luz:

Rolling her head a bit on her pillow, Luz glanced over at Amity. Her mock of auburn and teal hair splayed around her face was so cute, as always; even when it was disheveled like today. Her golden eyes and angular ears were so unique, and currently trained on Luz with an intensity she’d become very fond of.

Amity’s arms were currently crossed, supporting her chin as she knelt by the bed. Luz was laying much more simply, her hands on her stomach as she relaxed and watched the ceiling for a little. Things were quiet, and she was content to just enjoy that and her company, but sometimes... well, she got just a bit greedy. She didn’t think it would hurt this time.

Patting the blankets beside her, Luz smiled and scooted over a little. Amity’s expression ran through a gambit of emotions, each one so familiar and comforting. Surprise, hope, fear, worry, resolve, joy, that adorable blush, and finally-

“Ammy? You shouldn’t lie down like that. You’ll hurt your neck. Come up here and grab some sheets.” She mock-scolded.

Amity giggled a little, the sound musical in any context and exactly what Luz wanted to hear other than the gentle breathing of a sleeping Blight.

“You should worry about yourself. My neck will be fine, I’m sure.”

“Why should I worry? Things are how they are, and I have you to worry for me.”

A touch of sadness filled the gold, and the light within them seemed to dim a little more. Still, she got up and slipped onto Luz’ side. A hesitant motion, then a nod from the earlier occupant, and Amity’s arms slipped around her torso, holding her close. The soft curls of her hair pressed against her cheek, as her girlfriend nuzzled into her neck.

They relaxed there, just breathing. Feeling one another close by, pressed tightly together. The only dividers were their clothes, and those they’d long since accepted as thin enough to forget. Luz rolled small circles from her palm into Amity’s back, listening to her sigh against her.

Amity was always down, these days. Luz did what she could to make her smile, despite knowing Amity’s smile was one of many things she’d be losing very soon. The teal-haired girl must have heard her pulse change, because she hugged her tighter. But the strength of the hug was less than it should be; less than it used to be.

Luz brushed the few strands she could reach out of Amity’s face, and looked down to see the concerned expression.

“Don’t worry. I’m just thinking about all the ways I love you.” She assured her. “You should get some sleep. You need your rest these days.”

Amity frowned at her, the pout so familiar and yet drew out an ache in her heart. Could she go on, not seeing that pout on the girl who’d won her heart?

“I am resting.”

“Then, why don’t I make you a better offer than resting?”

Getting comfy, Luz closed her eyes and listened to the world for a moment. A silent knock on the distant sky. An answer, echoing just as soundless in her head and chest.

“Dream with me? One last time?”

Amity’s eyes filled with fear, realization, and finally acceptance and a terrible sadness. She nodded, and cuddled close again. She felt so warm, and yet so cold. Her ear rested over Luz’ heart, and she whispered like a child in the dark, begging for a savior.

“H-hold me until I fall asleep?”

“Always,  _ mi amor _ , and longer still” Luz returned, squeezing her thin body with a reassuring hug. “Is there a memory I should meet you in?”

Amity was quiet for a moment, and Luz wondered if she’d missed her chance, when a tiny voice came from her.

“The beginning. I want to do it all over again. Exactly the same.”

“You wouldn’t change anything?”

“I’d change this stupid- ...no. Everything I did brought me to you, and brought us together for these five years. I wouldn’t trade that for anything, and I wouldn’t risk losing it by trying to change anything.”

“You’re the smart one,  _ Querida _ , I trust your choices. You’d have found a way, even if things were different.”

“But it might have taken longer. I don’t want to lose even a second we were together.”

Luz smiled and placed a kiss on Amity’s head.

“Then I’ll meet you in front of the tree.”

“Not the tree… meet me… outside the ice cream store…”

Luz was surprised. Amity really did mean the beginning. The very beginning.

“As you wish.” She promised, feeling Amity’s breathing slow, the muted sensation of her heartbeat fade. Luz closed her eyes and joined her, letting everything drift away. It looked like it was indeed time to say goodbye to her flower. But… maybe she could spend one more adventure with her, even if it was one they’d already experienced. It was, after all, their favorite.


	2. Park Parlor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity and Luz meet for the first time, and under very interesting circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, we can officially begin.  
> Chapter 1.  
> Be warned, this isn't going to have any kind of pace for the faint of heart.

It had begun on January 28th, seven years earlier. Her world had been a compilation of contradictions, and it only took one more to make everything fall apart.

She lived in the biggest building in town, but it wasn’t actually in the town or where she lived. It was the fourth of five Blight Mansions, situated dead center on a private estate bordering the town, and she spent only the absolute minimum possible time there. She stopped by each day before and after school or work, to check if her parents were due to arrive, but never went past the gate.

Amity instead spent her nights in a little studio apartment. With her allowance, she could reasonably buy the whole building. But again, that was not the case. She paid rent every month, the money coming from her part time job. Every penny she was “given” for good grades and behavior by her parents was sent to a special account in surreptitious payments so she could reasonably pretend to be spending it, rather than hiding it away.

She was known as Little Miss Perfect, and while most people had no idea Amity had anything beneath that surface, the majority of her acquaintances and fellow students knew the title was anything but coincidence. In fact, one might assume the song was written for her, barring one fact: there really hadn’t anything there whenever she’d plucked up the courage.

Naturally, each of those facts came crashing down around her angular ears during her senior year, on her birthday of all days.

She’d been spending the day like any other that week: standing behind the counter in an empty ice cream parlor. Amity would finish her shift in two hours (having sold nothing), touch base with the mansion, go home, finish her physics homework, and then treat herself to sleep exactly one hour earlier than usual.

Her siblings might have tried to pull a surprise party, had they been able to track down where she lived. As it was, they’d probably ambush her at the estate gates with a cupcake and candle. She’d make the same wish she made every year, listen to them tease her about what they knew it was, and then be allowed to forget about it.

But things didn’t go as planned. A ring came from the bell atop the door, and Amity snapped herself out of her dozing state. Usually, she was able to just stand behind the register and imagine things; her mind creating worlds and aspects of things she always wanted to write down, but often didn’t. However, being the studious as she was, Amity held a grip on reality to present her outward self as always attentive and helpful.

“Hello, welcome to Park Parlor, how can I help you?” She asked, buying herself time while she drew her thoughts back from a fantasy about a common-born knight and her lady of the court.

“Hello, Amity.”

Blinking once, her golden eyes refocused on the pair entering the store. One was a stranger, who she nearly missed for the nearest customer. Willow, her old best friend, and technically above her boss in the little chain’s bureaucracy. She seemed different from how she’d last her, but it was unmistakably her.

The overly-large glasses, the dark blue hair, the piercing green eyes… not to mention the healthy frame and characteristic scowl she’d earned. Amity felt her posture wilt as she remembered the last time she’d spoken to her.

“Hello, Miss Park. What can I do for you today?” She asked, her voice getting small.

Willow’s fathers had once owned this parlor alone, and when they were younger Amity had been a frequent visitor as Willow’s guest. They’d taken the tiny cups and sample spoons, and chatted in the red booths for hours on end, until the Blight family name had decided to rear its head. To protect her friend, she’d simply vanished from Willow’s life one day, pretending she didn’t exist. Ironically, the chain of stores had begun to expand across the state, and Amity’s parents were now pushing her to reignite the old friendship with a potentially powerful business partner.

Amity wanted nothing more than to have her friend back, and knew it wasn’t to be. She wouldn’t be surprised if she pulled rank and got her fired. Heavens knew she would deserve it.

Willow stepped up to the counter, before sighing and leaning her head on her arms atop the glass. Amity noticed her pull away slightly from the other girl, and belatedly realized they’d been holding hands.

“I guess it’s fate you’d be here… I think this room’s cursed.”

Amity felt a pang of worry, and decided to let her façade fall a little. She was working alone tonight, so it should be okay.

“Cursed?”

“Yep,” She affirmed, glancing up at her accusingly. “I get dumped in this room.”

Amity wanted to apologize, to explain, to beg forgiveness, but she knew she deserved none of it. She cursed herself for letting the pain show in her expression, despite the softening of Willow’s glare.

The girl nodded her head back a little, towards the second occupant, before continuing.

“This is Luz. She was my kinda-girlfriend for about six months, but it’s not working out. We’ve decided to get some consolation ice cream to cry about it together.”

Amity was confused, and evidently it showed in her face. They’d broken up, yet they were getting ice cream together? Holding hands?

She inspected the other. She seemed to be at least somewhat latina, with eyes like chocolate kisses and a care-free smile. She- Luz, glanced at Amity and caught her eye. She grinned broader, and gave a little wave. The teal-haired girl felt the hint of a blush, but pushed it down. She was cute alright, but Amity was into more than looks.

“I’m sorry to hear that. What would you like?”

Willow glanced down at the flavors in stock, considering the untouched tops.

“Ten years back, and two girls who won’t leave?” She grumbled, bitterly.

Amity shook her head.

“I’m sorry, the time travel ice cream isn’t due to hit shelves until next year. And two scoops of the latter are… well, I only have one, and you probably wouldn’t want to try it again.”

Willow seemed confused and intrigued by the statement. Getting up onto her elbows, she narrowed her eyes.

“Luz?” She called back towards her… ex? “Pick your flavors. I need a second to sample a few things.”

“Righteo!” Came the bright reply.

She nearly skipped to the front, looking in for only a pair of heartbeats before nodding and listing her order rapid fire.

“One scoop of cherry, chocolate chip. One of bubblegum. And then can you put one of the sherbets on the top?”

Shrugging, Amity selected a properly sized cup, and provided her lower arrangement of magenta and blue. She glanced at Willow for a moment, received a nod, and retrieved a cone. Selecting the indigo, mixed berry flavor, she made up the cone’s worth before flipping it and finishing the triangular monument to sugar. A spoon in the side, and she handed it over.

“ThankyouThankyou!” She trilled, sliding a two dollar bill into the tip jar of all things, before heading off to one of the ultra high tables.

Amity nodded, smiling a little incredulously. Then, she went back to Willow.

Her eyes had narrowed even more, but quickly returned to normal size. She tapped the glass display, indicating the chocolate. As Amity prepped the sample spoon, Willow straightened.

“Alright, Amity. Here’s the deal: I’m going to give you until I finish this taste to explain what you want to tell me. I like it, you get me another flavor, and another few seconds.”

“Deal,” She responded, handing her the little plastic spoon.

Willow accepted it, grinning wryly at the extra large helping. She placed it into her mouth, upside down, and stared at Amity while she swirled the flavor around her tongue and teeth.

“I… I was weak. I was weak, and I tried to protect you instead of being there when you needed me. I’m sorry, and if I could take it back, I would-”

The spoon emerged from Willow’s lips, and Amity silenced herself without thinking. The abrupt cut off gave Willow pause, and she seemed to be a little worried.

“Are you okay?”

“Of course I am. You said I had until you were done, so I-”

“You stopped dead and your back got all stiff. You looked like some stereotype who expects to get…” She trailed off, a bit of horror coming into her visage. “You didn’t… when we were younger… did you?”

Amity looked away.

“Little Miss Perfect never had any problems. As long as I was her, I was fine.”

Willow seemed aghast, but shook her head.

“G-get me some mint chocolate chip,” She insisted, rather quickly.

Amity obliged her, and decided to continue.

“Being your friend was the only thing I ever wanted. Heaven knows I had everything else shoved into my hands if I so much as looked at it. But with you, it wasn’t about having. It was about being a part of something, of someone’s life. Of being… wanted.”

Willow kept the spoon in, looking remarkably contemplative. She finally removed it and tapped over the vanilla.

“So they blackmailed you?”

Amity nodded silently. They wouldn’t encounter any serious issues, even if she did tell everyone, but they had ways of reprisal when such issues had to be circumvented.

“And now, what, you’re allowed to come back to me because I’m upper middle instead of lower middle?”

“From their point of view, yes,” She admitted.

“ _ Their _ point of view?” Willow asked, suspiciously.

“I’ve been trying to get out from under them for a while. Whether they want me to or not, I was hoping to talk to you again one of these days. Even if just to say… well, that I’m sorry for being the worst.”

Willow pursed her lips, before tossing the spoons into the bin beside the counter.

“Get me a swirl cone. I’ll see that it’s paid for on the other end.”

And with that, the conversation was over. Amity prepared the treat for her still estranged ex-best friend, and went back to silently manning the register. Willow went over to sit by Luz, and the two chatted quietly for a bit.

After a few minutes of making sure they didn’t need anything, Amity retreated to the back room. She’d already performed all the cleaning and “chores” required of the employees when on shift, but it gave her an excuse to disappear. She went into the freezer and slid down onto the balls of her feet.

Her body folded into itself, as she tried to restrain her tears. She was a Blight, and she didn’t need to cry. She was not feeling terrible at being rejected. She was not in agony at having Willow not even give her a chance. She was not.

But she was.

And she did.

The tears came hot and fast, slipping down her cheeks and impacting on the tile floor by the drain. Her cheeks began to feel cold as the moisture sucked away her body heat even faster, but she didn’t move. She restrained her voice, at least, but it was small consolation.

She let herself cry a full minute before stemming the flow and standing up. Her weakness did not control her. She was above such things. Or she could pretend so, while at work.

Amity reemerged, having surreptitiously used the bathroom to make sure there was no trace of her actions, before exiting the back with a mop and bucket. Prepping a final cleaning of the floors before turning her shift over to Boscha would be an excellent excuse for her time away from the front.

She noticed the two girls were gone, and sighed. She didn’t know which outcome she preferred: their being present and the chance of speaking to Willow again, or their being gone and not having any temptation of going over and trying to speak. So, she simply began to mop.

When her shift finally ended, she noticed a small addition to the tip jar: a pair of paper notes beside the two dollar bill. She extracted them, and recognized the handwriting on one.

_ Amity, _

_ I don’t know if we can ever be friends again, at least not like we used to. 10 years is a long while, and not saying any kind of goodbye still hurts. But I don’t blame you for all of it anymore. Next time you have a shift alone, call me and we can see about starting over. _

Her number was scrawled on the back, the nines still made up to look like flowers, just like when they’d been kids. Amity felt her heart flutter a little with hope, which she almost reflexively repressed. Starting over at 18… and right after a break up. It would be interesting.

The second note was more confusing, the handwriting unfamiliar and much more erratic. Each letter seemed to flow into the next, but only due to being crushed against each other. Where Willow’s could have passed for cursive, this one was akin to a child’s scribbles when not inspected carefully.

_ Dear nice ice cream server, _

_ I really liked your pick. The fruit and the sugar balanced quite nicely, and the cone was a great idea for when we left. Willow was leaving you a note, so I wanted to too. I don’t have anything important to say, but writing notes is fun. You’re really pretty. Your hair looks really cool, with the mix of the browny-red and the greeny-green. _

Amity smiled a little at the not-so-subtle flirting and compliments, and glanced over the remaining nine-tenths of the note. She also found there was a back side. It seemed like there wasn’t much substantial information there, almost like small talk given physical form. However, she did note two key pieces of information:

One: Luz had left her number.

Two: She wanted her mixture reserved for June.

Thinking back to the arrangement, and trying to discern if the colors had been present anywhere on her outfit, Amity let herself smile at the idea of the latina girl running around Pride with her flag on her ice cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well my loves, that's that. They've met, they're on the road to becoming aware of the other's existence. We're on the midnight train to anywhere.  
> As always, please comment anything and everything you see, think, and feel about my work. I can only get better if you tell me what's wrong and what's right. And of course, theories are so much fun to read.  
> Until next time!


	3. Happy Birthday!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity goes home, and the world deepens.

Pulling up to the gates of the Blight Estate, Amity itched at the hair still trapped beneath the baseball cap that served as part of her uniform. She would have preferred to take it off, but with cameras on the fence, she didn’t want to give anything away she didn’t have to.

Buzzing the intercom, she listened to the housekeeper’s usual response of no news as to if or when her parents would be home. A routine she’d long since accepted as the norm. It was oddly comforting to get back to it, even if a little depressing. Naturally, the universe decided to hear her silent feelings for once, and subvert them. A honk came from a car behind her, which had snuck up while she was talking.

Glancing back, Amity made a face halfway between a smile and grimace. The identical figures leaning out the windows and waving were all too familiar.

“Mittens!” Her older twin siblings called, knowing the name bothered her.

Knowing she couldn’t pull around until they did, she parked her little, red cobalt and got out. Bracing herself against the ground, she let them glomp her without resistance, gently patting their backs until they let go.

“Happy Birthday, Mittens!” Emira squealed, turning to wave over the remaining occupants of the second car.

It turned out to be Emira’s wives, holding a pair of bags that looked suspiciously like birthday presents. Amity glanced at Edric, wondering why he hadn’t brought Jerbo. He was usually inseparable from his partner.

“Wishes he could be here, but you know work.” He explained silently, lacing his arms with his sister and Skara, while Viney finished the chain on Emira’s side.

The wall of actual family prevented her from running, though she hadn’t tried that in a few years; not since Edric’s engagement. So, Amity did the only reasonable thing: she let them give her another attack hug.

“Come on! Open your presents! We have cake too!” Emira insisted, disengaging from the wall of people and taking her hand. “And we all know how wild you get on sugar. You need to get it in your system before you crash; proper birthday black-out style!”

Rolling her eyes and letting herself smile, Amity accepted the first bag and pulled free its contents. A little pink gem hung on a silver chain, fine enough to pass as string from a difference. She was in awe at the gift, and was about to sputter at not being able to accept something so expensive, especially with her plans, when Skara threw her arm around her shoulders.

“Before you say anything, check the back here.”

Pursing her lips at the elder girl, she flipped the necklace and located the small hinges on one side, hidden behind the overhang of the jewel. Inside was a small compartment, carved into the gem itself, and expertly hidden. Anyone who didn’t know to look would never realize there was space to hide… something particularly small within. On the flat side, a small glass held space for a picture.

“You know your folks don’t much approve of… well, how your siblings do things, and we know they hold you down even tighter, so when you find the need to start carrying around a ring for somebody, or if you happen to get ahold of one, this is somewhere you can keep it safe.”

Amity felt tears touch at her eyes again, and turned to hug her double sister in law.

“It’s wonderful.” She whispered.

Skara hugged back, giving her a pat to let go when she got too tight.

“Sure thing, kiddo. Now, you’d better go for Edric and Emira’s gift next, or they’ll get jealous.”

The second present turned out to be much more practical: an extension to her make-up kit, to help her blend… Well, to help her blend in. She pretended not to notice the only piece a normal girl would actually recognize as make-up: a black cylinder of lipstick, evidently in a hope to return her goth phase.

“Thanks guys. Now scram before you make me smile on camera.” She teased.

The four laughed and shook their heads, Edric holding out a cupcake dressed up with five stripes of frosting and a single, unlit candle.

“As soon as you make your wish. Everybody?”

They began to sing, and Amity’s heart felt full for the first time in a long while. The little gestures of love, the teasing… she would never admit to it, but she loved every second of actually having family that was more than blood and paper.

Emira pulled out a lighter, sparking the candle just as they ended the song, and Amity wasted no time closing her eyes to wish again what she had each year before.

_ Let me have a family like this one day. One that lasts, and doesn’t have to be secret. _

She let out her breath, cutting short the life of the flame. Viney made her obligatory joke about getting spit on, and removed the wax from the sugar. A final hug from each, and they were gone.

Amity sat back into the driver’s seat of her car, inspecting the treat in her hands. It was such a simple gift. Why did it mean so much?

Holding back her emotions, she took a bite and savored the sinful meal. She regretted not having a garbage bag of some kind, as she was forced to hold the little wrapping tin from the bottom the whole drive back to her apartment. Still, it wasn’t a big enough worry to dent her good mood.

Giving her landlady a smile, she jogged up the stairs, breathing heavily as she reached her floor and remembering why she didn’t do that anymore. Clutching her side, she unlocked her room and slipped inside, letting herself gasp for air in the privacy of her own home, where no one else could see and judge her.

Tugging on her cap, she pulled it off her head, the false strands of auburn and teal coming with. She inspected the implement; the fake ponytail sticking out the back, the strands emerging from the sides at seemingly random intervals, and the carefully made cap for long term comfort. It looked like it had held up.

She tossed it onto one of the small hooks by the door, alongside her other wigs and implements to hide herself. The cool air on her bare scalp and what was managing to regrow was nice, and far too limited. But she couldn’t let word get out of what had happened, hence the coverings.

Taking her spot on the mini-couch, she stretched out and removed her jacket, shoes, and jeans, her muscles uncoiling against the cushions. The apartment was silent, empty, and somewhere between depressing and blissful. Part of her wanted to have someone to come home to, to hold her and assure her she was still worth anything. But another part, the louder part, told her that anyone who knew could give the secret away, even by accident, and have everything taken from her, including said confidant. Besides, the only meaningful emotional relationship she’d ever had with another living human was with the girl who was giving her a do over button because of how much she’d screwed up.

While she wished she could go shower, maybe go to bed early, Amity had homework. She reluctantly got up from her couch and wandered back to her bedroom, booting up her laptop and placing her used clothes in the hamper. She could have studied in her undergarments and tank top alone, but doing so would be precarious to inciting her sleepiness. So, instead she slid on the jeans she would wear tomorrow and a t-shirt of whatever was hanging in front, and got to work.

Naturally, her work didn’t help her upkeep her mood, and by the time she was through with her final draft for the night and ready to collapse on her bed, she was determined to end the day on a bothered note, lest it go downhill from there.

_ Cursed pre-college university courses. Who gave them the right to require she take credits for a school she was at least a year away from attending? What kind of parents never came home for even one of their little girl’s birthdays after she turned seven? Parents who cut off her one good relationship and expected her to just go back to it like nothing happened. _

_ And who was this Luz girl Willow was dating? What did she do to earn her affections, and then spurn them? Did she hurt her old best friend? Why were they getting ice cream together if they were broken up? How dare Luz think she was good enough for Willow. How dare  _ she _ think she was good enough for Willow. _

The last thought crossed the line, sending Amity into another spiral of self-loathing and guilt for her mistakes. Curling up with her body pillow, she held in the tears again, mentally reminding herself she was just lashing out at herself. But one thing was set in her mind, which would damage the remainder of her life: she was determined to hate this Luz girl until she earned a reason not to be hated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun Dun.


	4. Noceda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day in the eyes of two girls who feel a strange draw to the other, and yet find themselves being less than forward in revealing or accepting them.

_ “-and I will be loathing. For forever, loathing. Truly, deeply-” _

The music cut out as Amity snatched her phone under the covers and awoke, 18 years of age and supposedly ready to tackle the whole world. She immediately hated herself. It was only a small thing. She’d worn jeans and a shirt to bed, and also, maybe prejudged a girl who’d done nothing but dump her ex-best friend. The latter she could forgive and move past, but the former was unforgivable. If she ever got her hands on sleepy Amity, she’d kill her for that.

Rolling off the blankets, and then herself onto the floor, she groaned in annoyance before finally standing up to seize the day. It started exactly how any grand day ought to: with a shower and a fervent will-save not to indulge in the coffee she knew was stashed somewhere in her pantry, for reasons beyond her comprehension. At least the first of the two was something she could take pleasure in, and while she rinsed off the sleep and started to cleanse herself of the day prior.

It was like being given a hug, but from every side and without the barriers of clothing and subconscious social rules of time. She was able to get clean quickly, but always stayed in for precisely fifteen minutes. Each second was warmth and pressure she missed out on for 360 or so days of the year outside of the little stall, and Amity had long since promised herself to keep the quarter hour for herself.

When she was finally cleaned, dried, dressed, and had removed a protein shake from the mini-fridge, Amity returned to the bathroom. Rather than hide there and waste money for more time in the comfort of the falling water, she’d brought in a trio of wigs to decide from. Each was meticulously arranged to look like her old hairstyle: auburn roots showing through the teal dye her mother had… suggested, she use. One was simply a mess of tangled strands, giving her a wild, yet mature look. The second was more conservative, bringing most of the mass into a little wolf-tail and leaving what was left to hand behind her head and ears. The third was her hat.

Deciding she didn’t have work today, and thus wouldn’t need her professional headwear, Amity selected the first, and began to adjust it. Once it was both comfortable and her actual hair was indistinguishable from the false, she pulled out her kit to begin smoothing the division of her cap and skin. Even the slightest hint to her parents would remove her remaining freedom.

She made it out the door with what remained of her protein shake and school bag with five minutes to spare. Silently cursing herself, Amity realized she’d have to pick up some time on the drive. She couldn’t speed and get caught, but maybe if she… but no, they’d catch that too. She sighed and realized she’d have to do with being only a few minutes early today.

The car ride was agonizingly slow. Usually, it only took seven minutes and she arrived with enough spare time to read her secret copies of  The Good Witch Azura on her phone while she waited for the teachers to arrive. Now however, it took an agonizing six and a half, and she only had time to sit down and organize her notepad before the other students began to sidle in.

She berated herself again for being so slow that morning, when she noticed a very familiar caramel skin and pixie cut. Amity always sat two rows back and off-center left, where she was easily invisible from the focus of attention but still able to see what was happening without issue, so she was surprised she’d missed the fact that the person dead center in the front was-

“Luz?” She whispered to herself, sitting up a bit and trying to confirm her identification.

Before she could, the bell rang and she quickly slid back down into the cheap plastic of her chair. She assured herself there would be time to confront the girl later, if she decided to. She didn’t  _ need _ to talk to Luz. She hadn’t done anything to incur her wrath or earn her friendship, so at this point she should just remain in the same mental blind spot she’d evidently been occupying with the majority of the student body anyways. Yes, that was good. Things staying in their proper place. Absolutely.

And yet…

She still found herself noticing Luz’ additions to the class. Before it would have just been “another student” beating Amity to the questions. Now, it was Luz or another student beating Amity to the questions.

Shaking her head on the third occurrence she caught herself noticing Luz, Amity inhaled deeply and forced her head down. Her ears could do the learning today.

That didn’t work either, and Amity was starting to get annoyed.

_ This girl… _

Grinding her teeth, she refocused herself on the lesson and mentally chained herself to what needed her attention. It was a difficult skill, to completely segregate parts of one’s mind, but she’d long since been forced to master it.

After that, she managed to reintegrate Luz’ appearance into the grey mass the rest of humanity often occupied, but not her voice. For some reason, the few words she still spoke slid past her defenses. They were like small lights, peeking out through the murk Amity surrounded herself in.

When class finally ended, she was torn on what to do. Half of her wanted to walk to her next class and get back onto her schedule. The other (traitorous) half said it wanted to talk to Luz. Naturally, half #1 argued that there wasn’t a reason to, and immediately shot down the “she’s pretty” argument as irrelevant. Half #2 had an okay rebuttal of “asking about the note and why her number was there,” but forgot to count on one thing:

Amity was absolutely not going to cross Willow by moving in on her ex the day after they broke up, conveniently the same day she’d been offered a second chance. So, she did the only reasonable thing she could: dash from the class and pray she could leave any stupid feelings behind.

Her plan worked for the whole of the first half of her day. Of course, like most things, Lunch hadn’t changed because of simple things like a half-baked crush and turning eighteen. It was just as filthy and the food just as unsavory in the cafeteria as always. Amity brought her own lunch, and spent her time hidden away in her car on most days, melting or freezing depending on the sun and the season.

“She does eat! I thought you were forced to survive on sheer snark and broken dreams.”

Halting just shy of the doors to the parking lot, Amity closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She hadn’t been teased like that in a long while.

Turning around and hoisting her little bag, she smirked slightly at the bespectacled girl standing nearby.

“Only when mother and father have decided I’ve been a good girl and deserve a treat.” She joked back, before dropping her smile and giving her a look.

Willow’s expression shifted to one of mild surprise.

“Oh? And if Little Miss Perfect isn’t what they see, inside and out?”

“Let’s just say “snark and broken dreams” don’t make for a great dinner. After all, I didn’t get my delicate frame from just my-”

She’d almost slipped up there, revealing her secret. It was just so hard not to be… open, around Willow. She’d always been someone comfortable to talk to, to be around. But she couldn’t have that again. Not for a while.

“Your…?” Willow prodded.

Amity shook her head.

“Nothing. It’s not important.” She amended quickly. “Anyways, I’m off to eat some real food, unless you need me to provide some snark for dessert?”

Willow smiled, a hint of something in her eyes quickly hidden behind the wary expression she’d evidently decided to wear around Amity now.

“How about I treat you to some actual dessert? Luz and I eat on the steps over there,” she gestured to the spot, from where the Latina girl waved at the pair by the doors, “and we could use another mouth.”

Amity raised an eyebrow waiting for an explanation to  _ that _ . Willow shrugged.

“Luz is still down about us breaking up. Since her metabolism is like, 10,000% faster than a normal human’s, she brought a quart of ice cream to share.”

“And you weren’t enough to offset that?” Amity teased. It was a low blow, but evidently that was on the table again.

“I’m not a huge fan of ice cream before seven pm. And usually she wouldn’t even need me, but Luz has a stomach ache or something and decided to be generous. Anyways, you in or out?”

Shrugging, Amity turned from the doors and followed her old/new friend over to the stairs. She’d never eaten on stairs before, despite always wanting to. Now, she found she was a little too long-legged to comfortably use the steep ascension planes. A few seconds of maneuvering and getting comfortable however, and she was able to at least tolerate the spot. She cracked open her bag, selecting the pre-wrapped protein bar and little bottled water. She’d never done much cooking before, and now she was barely able to make a sandwich that didn’t taste like sand, so processed and nutritionally programmed rations were her best friends now.

An open-topped cylinder was shoved under her nose, a pink chill rising from within alongside the scent of strawberries and chocolate. A spare spoon quickly followed, and she timidly accepted the items. Amity felt her stomach give an affirmation that she should consume it, despite her head warning her otherwise. Still, she took a small scoop and savored it, handing back the tub while she ate.

She recognized the tell-tale flavor and texture of a Park Family ice cream, even if the label hadn’t given it away. It was one of their famous “plant only” blends, made by some unholy process which required no milk or other products not supplied by plants or raw minerals. However, being an employee she knew the truth of the matter. While the ice cream itself followed those rules, more than 80% of the flavors and add-ins still required traditional ingredients. Still, it was tasty, and it was nice to have friends to share things with.

After nearly five minutes, Willow tugged it back from Luz and offered it to Amity again. Amity had, given her old habits, already finished eating and was merely sipping her water, listening to the world.

“Ami, you need to ask for this when you want it, or Luz doesn’t notice she hasn’t shared.”

She didn’t even react to the return of her old nickname, merely accepting the ice cream and continuing to think of nothing. She took another bite and held it out for her to take again, not moving for another twenty seconds while her brain caught up to the fact they hadn’t accepted it.

Turning, Amity saw Willow giving her a worried expression.

“Jeez, they did a number on you…” She whispered.

Amity shook her head, bringing the treat back to herself and getting another spoonful.

“It wasn’t just them. I messed me up pretty good too.”

Luz gasped, and received a pair of confused looks.

“I didn’t know you could talk like a person, Amity!” She squealed, moving to a step lower and watching her in fascination. “Do it again!”

“Do what?”

“Talk like a normal person, duh.” Luz poked at her forehead and grinned, but Amity frowned in annoyance. “You always talk like a textbook in class. All formal and forsooth-y.”

“I’m sorry, “forsooth-y”?”

“Mhm!”

Amity handed her the ice cream, scowling a little. It did not matter that the word and its speaker were adorable, she did not want to be insulted or act like a show animal today. Willow was one thing, and she was owed a little teasing on that end, but Luz had done nothing but break up with her best friend and deserved no such leeway.

“I’m sorry, but I have to get to class.” She said, curtly.

“B-but we still have like five minutes before Lunch ends!” Luz complained, confusion and hurt evident in her voice.

Amity wanted two things in that moment. She wanted to stop and say she was bothered by the comment, but that it was okay. She also wanted to thank the girl for the ice cream. She did neither. Her parents didn’t control her life anymore, but they’d left scars on her soul she wasn’t sure could be smoothed over.

What she did instead was tighten her lips and walk off, slinging her messenger bag around and feeling her knuckles pale as she gripped the strap for all she was worth.

* * *

Luz watched Amity leave, her unspoken questions still at the tip of her tongue, waiting to escape and seek their counterparts in the suddenly tense air. But she felt something restrain her. A voice in her heart which said to give Amity time.

“You might have wanted to go a little easier on her, lover girl.”

Luz turned and frowned at Willow, the bespectacled girl smirking sadly.

“I’m sorry, this is hard to do, okay?” She wailed softly, pulling down her hood and burying her face in it.

Willow flicked the little cat ears for a bit until Luz protested and emerged from her cloth fortress.

“Quit it! You’re gonna fray the seams!”

“You already frayed my patience, so that seems fair.” She teased. “I already told you, you have to make sure she knows you exist before pulling the jealousy card, and you can’t jump right into the teasing and flirting. Ami’s never been one to care about people trying to impress her. She just wants a friend, and if you want to go past that, it’s going to have to start from there.”

“Do you have to rub it in?”

“Yes. You had me pretend to be your girlfriend for seven months.”

“That’s not fair, you had fun, admit it.”

“Well, I did at that. Still, I don’t think the whole relationship thing’s for me, and those are seven months of excess touchy-feely I don’t think Imma get back.” Willow mused.

Luz sighed and watched the hallway Amity’d gone down. She’d been so sure she could get her to open up. Everyone she’d ever talked to had been easy to read, easy to weedle her way past their guards and masks to see the real them. Not Amity. She was a mystery, and so… attractive. Not in the sense that Luz felt a need to romance or sleep with (though both of those were things she would be  **very** open to if things progressed down that road), but that she felt as if she was drawn towards Amity like a magnet of an opposing charge. She just… drifted that way.

“Do you think it’s a deal-breaker for her too?” She asked, not sure she wanted to know the answer.

Willow thought for a while, before shaking her head.

“I’ve seen a lot of stuff, a lot of people, and a lot of relationships over the years. I can tell you something right now: everybody’s got at least two flags in their heart. The one that waves for their body, and one for their soul. You say you’re Bi, so that’s your first flag. But what’s your second?”

Luz was confused by the question, but tried to puzzle out an answer. She did indeed find both guys and girls very attractive in a physical sense, though the more diverse expressions of gender variant from sex had never held the same appeal and helped her select the magenta-purple-blue banner, rather than the pink-yellow-blue. But her soul? What could that mean?

“I guess… the same? I’ve only really had a few crushes that really went beyond the “you’re cute” stage.” She finally decided. “Why?”

“Well, because I think you’ll find not everyone’s flags match.”

Willow began to rummage around in her bag until she found a handful of round pins and buttons that could be used to accessorize clothes or other soft items. Some had various plants on them, but a few had flags.

“For me, I don’t think anyone’s really hot. Sex and kissing and all that… I mean, I’m sure it’s fine, but I don’t really care for it. So you’d say I’m an Ace, right?”

Luz nodded. It made sense so far. But Willow raised a finger.

“But I’m absolutely interested in finding the right girl to spend my life with as more than a friend. A partner. Someone I can love in a less physical way, though I’m more than down for some cuddling and a long talk. Maybe a bit of arguing or playful flumping. So while I’m asexual, I’m actually homoromantic.”

Luz had to sort that one through for a bit. Love without any… physical aspects? How could you show someone you cared that deeply, or loved them, if you didn’t want to kiss them or hold their hand? It was… alien to her.

“I’m not sure I get it. If it makes you happy though, I guess I can accept that’s a thing.” She shrugged.

Willow laughed.

“You’re pretty dense for such a smart girl. But anyways, in Amity’s case you have to understand she probably has different ways to be attracted to people. I can tell you flat out she’s definitely into girls on a physical level. Her eyes kept flicking to your legs, and I’ve been able to read that blush since we were six.”

Luz’ hope rose, and a finger on Willow’s hand matched it, stopping her from voicing her thought.

“But in the case of a partner, of someone she’d date, she’s definitely a tough cookie. She never seemed interested in anyone, except two: a non-binary by the name of Malin, and me.”

Luz felt her body wilt a little at the second. If Willow was in the running, she was already out of the race. But then she thought over the statements again and furrowed her brow.

“But… you said she’s into girls? Is she Pan or Bi too?”

“Nope. She’s a hardcore lesbian. But romantically, she’s what I would have to guess is a Demi.”

“Demi? Is she half Greek god?”

Willow flicked Luz’ forehead.

“Stop reading that YA garbage, it’s going to your head. No, Demi as in Demiromantic. As in: she can only develop romantic feelings for people who she shares a strong existing emotional connection to. Malin was a good friend of hers for a few weeks when their family was doing some exchange trade with the Blights in their mansion, and while she didn’t find them hot or attractive in any physical way, she absolutely was infatuated with them. For me, it was kinda the same deal, but with a double-whammy of attraction.”

“So I should-”

“Nope!” Willow cut her off. “You should keep trying. I turned her down without question, even before she was forced to ghost me. Amity’s… not my flavor of aggressive. She might just be yours though. But you have to take it slow. Be her friend, try to make her laugh, support her in little ways.”

“And what happens if we do end up dating? Do I just say: “Hey, I was only your friend to get you to date me.”?”

“No, lying to her would be a bad idea at any stage.” Willow responded smoothly.

Luz sighed. Her friend was right. Even if there wasn’t a chance, Luz was simply too nice and too affectionate to everybody to even attempt to become friends for any reason but the friendship itself.

“But if you mean telling her how you feel, then you absolutely should tell her between when you become friends and  _ when _ she asks you out.”

Nodding, Luz took a final bite of ice cream, considering.

“Well, what do you think I should do next?”

“Probably try not to insult her wording.” She reasoned. “How about: say you’re sorry?”

“It’s not my fault she talks like an angel in class and a temptress at lunch…” Luz mumbled.

“It is your fault you told her that like it was something at the circus you wanted to see.”

“Is that how it came across?!”

“Mhm.”

“Well… sh-

**Author's Note:**

> My dears, I've come to bring out your tears.  
> But I've also come to give you hope and light.  
> So, I want you to tell me what you think each step of the way. Every chapter, I want you to drop a comment on what I'm doing badly, what you think I'm saying, and what I've done okay.


End file.
